i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
