is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
