Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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