operation harelip BJ is a go
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
