we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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