your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize