i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
