Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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