Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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