I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
