My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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