Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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