is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
