marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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