Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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