I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Bring me that man meat
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
