Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
