I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
