literally had 100 drinks last night.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize