You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
