if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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