u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i think i have two assholes
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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