Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
