i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
