Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
sex in a hospital.. check
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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