so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
