Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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