May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Shame - the story of my life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
