i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My vagina is very pro this idea
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
