just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so let's talk penis.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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