And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
