I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
