It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
