yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
