No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
