The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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