where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
