i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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