Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm just crazy horny about you
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
