just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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