Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
honey bunches of taint.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
