If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize