? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
