a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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