Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
