i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
