fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
