she was so not down for the gang bang
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
