We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
