I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
