he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
