you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
