two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize