I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
