just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
