Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
