Too much gin, very little bucket
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
