Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
