I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
