guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize