we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My dick has a subreddit
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize