this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
