Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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