I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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