She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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