Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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