I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
